We've had a really good week. Me and my companion have been sick, but we're way better now. This week would be less busy (when it comes to meetings), so we went out and destroyed everything (in other words, did missionary work like crazy). We also did a couple of exchanges with the district leaders in our zone. It was so good!! I can always learn so much from the examples of everyone I work with, as simple as they may be. I'm really blessed with a lot of opportunities to learn and I'm grateful to my Father in Heaven for it. 't Was a good week indeed!
Because I was sick last week, I was a little depressed and insecure about myself. Whenever I get exhausted or sick, I go into a slump of negativity and start having doubts about my abilities as a missionary. I realized that there were a bunch of things I was doing wrong and I kind of felt unsettled because of my constant errors and failures here and there (nitpicks, really). I felt a little hopeless, because I felt like I hadn't improved on the aspects I wish I had so far. BUT! We had the wonderful opportunity to attend the "Heartfull Concert" held here in Abeno, in which three members with incredible singing voices would come over and sing for us (only two, sister Takaku and sister Amarume, ended up singing, as sister Yutaka had been injured in an accident prior to the concert). Listening to their beautiful songs and the stories told through them really fired me up and made me want to be a better, more loving, more diligent missionary than ever before. I was listening to sister Amarume's song, 「ペテロのように」(Petero no youni), and I just cried. I really love Peter. I can relate to him really well. Before Christ's death, he was very spontaneous and desired to follow Christ with all of his heart, but as soon as adversity struck, he feared man, rather than God, to the point that he would betray his Beloved Friend even three times. Peter loved Jesus so much. Can you imagine his anguish when he realized he denied he knew Christ? I felt it. I felt Peter's pain thanks to the beautiful and powerful rendition of his story sung for us in the concert. I don't want to fear man. I don't want to deny Jesus Christ. And yet I do it, over and over again. I pondered and thought about how I could overcome the natural man in me (the man who fears man) and soon realized that all I lack is love for Christ. If I really loved Christ and if I really knew His power, I couldn't fear man. I couldn't be uncertain or insecure. I would stand tall and unshaken before my trials. Love casts out all fear, is the most important one out of three (faith, hope and charity) and is the first and great commandment in the law given through Jesus Christ. How do I develop more love for Christ? I'm still thinking about it, but I've remembered something Jesus said at one point during His ministry on earth: "If ye love me, keep My commandments". Keeping His commandments is a way for us to show love and appreciation for Him. We will recognize the blessings that come from obedience and feel the Spirit in abundance in our lives. So I should do my best to keep His commandments. It will help me learn to love Him more and I will feel loved myself as well. And if you're filled with Christ's love, you can do anything.
Thanks for listening to my rant there. I actually learn more by talking about stuff than studying about it. I hope you all had a wonderful week! Love ya ~